Becky Hill & Self Esteem | GLAMOUR Unfiltered

We've grown up in a generation of girls that were taught,

sleep around too much, you're a slag.

And that has shifted.

Yeah, well, beginning to for sure.

With the power of dance music

[Becky laughing]

it will shift further.

Do you know what happened that night at the Brits?

You know when you came over to me?

Uh-huh.

And I threw my Brit Award on the floor,

and wrapped my arms around you and was like,

Oh my God, I'm such a big fan.

Do you know that the Brit Award broke?

And do you know underneath? I'm so sorry.

Do you remember, the disc?

There was my disc came off- Yeah.

Which, underneath the Brit Award, it said,

Best Dance Act, Becky Hill,

and then that came off and then it said,

2020 Best Dance Act Fred Again.

No, no. [laughs]

They'd repurposed the Brit. What,

[laughs] and you weren't bothered? I don't know.

Cheap.

It was a horrible night,

and it was lovely to meet you.

That was the shining- It really was.

They were like, Who do you wanna win tonight?

I'm like, Becky Hill, Becky Hill, Becky Hill,

and then you won, and I felt very excited.

Yeah, 'cause it was on the red carpet,

so everyone was like, Self Esteem was rooting for you,

and I'm like, [gasps] Oh my God, I love her!

I have to see her. I remember that was it.

Everyone else on that red carpet was like, Who?

[both laughing]

It's fine, I got over it. I'm fine.

But yeah, now it's got out of hand and I'm on your song.

You are the perfect fit for it.

So I'm glad that we're here,

I'm glad that we're doing this.

I know, it's been amazing.

How did you write it?

Well, I wrote it with Lauren Aquilina

and MNKEK, my bestie,

Mark Ralph and Jack Patterson from Clean Bandit.

And it was us five in the room,

and I was like, I really wanna write a song

about a sexual assault that I went through when I was 21.

And I had to keep it to myself

because I knew none of the friends

that I had at the time would believe me.

I was like, I want it to be angry.

And I was like, I wanna make a real angry bop. [laughs]

Yeah.

And Lauren kind of ran with, Do You Believe Me Now?

And it just kind of took off from there.

And it's one of my favorite songs,

probably the favorite song on the album.

And it just felt so right that you were a part of it.

So thank you so much for being on it.

I'm thrilled. It's such a banger. [laughs]

And then obviously we're aligned in, you know,

wanting to talk about this sort of subject matter,

but also not seem sad.

And so many people I know have been through it.

And to paint it as a really, really sad thing

that ruins your life is like the end,

like it can't be that, that can't be the end of the story.

I went through a whole phase of like, hang on a minute,

this really doesn't feel like my fault

in any way, shape, or form.

So the only conclusion I can come to

is to be angry about it.

Was that a part of your narrative as well,

like the fierce anger?

Yeah, you know, there's a few songs

on my record about this incident

that you're just so sure it's your fault.

In those kind of stealth,

you don't really realize it was assault at the time,

versions of it, you can't say anything.

And you also can't get someone to apologize

or somebody to take accountability.

So you're just stuck and like, that's why you're angry.

And then music is always, you know,

it's obviously always where I put everything.

It's a good tool for this 'cause like I sing it every night.

It feels amazing to cleanse yourself by being defiant.

I really care about helping other people

feel all right about it,

and just keeping the conversation going I suppose.

This is the first time I'm talking about my experience,

and I was 21, and I'm 30 now,

so it's like, it's taken me nine years

to start talking about this on a public platform.

And I used to read Glamour when I was a kid.

When did you start talking about it

and feeling comfortable to talk about it to people?

I don't know how comfortable I feel.

It was just more in general,

the incidents themselves were stealth

and I didn't realize it.

And then that sort of backdated thing

where you go, Hang on a minute, like you said.

I'm pretty sure that was not my fault.

We see it so much in like a BBC drama,

like a woman walking under a bridge and then she's grabbed

and then she's down the alleyway,

and it's like, that is a small percentage

of what actually happens.

And realizing I could qualify it in my mind

as sexual assault and it is that serious,

and it wasn't fair.

That helped me be able to even slightly speak about it,

and also like heal a bit inside and with therapy.

Yeah, of course.

It's mad, how like the saddest thing for me

is how many people are like, Yeah, I know how that feels.

And it's like, God.

Society has to, you know, change, it has to be small,

and talking like this,

once upon a time we'd have been told to talk,

would have ruined our careers.

So then you go, Oh well, well at least we're sat here

on 'Glamour Magazine' talking about it.

And hopefully if someone needs to hear it

and feel validated by their experience

and how they feel, great, that's a small step.

But yeah, we've got a long way to go.

Absolutely.

And to feel the confidence to feel angry.

With rape and sexual assault,

the numbers on reporting is so low.

Being a female, you've got a one in four chance

of getting sexually assaulted in your lifetime.

And as a male, you got a one in six chance,

which I was really shocked by as well.

Like I think a lot of men are living with this as well

and feeling even more like they can't speak up about stuff.

I actually did report mine.

I actually went to the police

and I worked with an amazing police officer

who helped me through every step of the way.

It was actually my partner who for years was like,

I don't know why you are not reporting this.

And it was actually my mother that told me not to,

which I think was a really interesting narrative.

My mom thought it was always gonna be more painful

for me to report it.

And actually it was so liberating.

It was only through years and years

of really deep therapy work

that I was able to sit in front of a couple of strangers

in a police station and do that.

Fucking amazing, mate.

The rape was something that I did a lot of therapy on.

I did a specific kind of therapy called EMDR,

and it's like a PTSD sort of movement therapy

that has helped me massively.

Through that therapy, I've really understood the weight

of how that affected not just my head but my body as well.

I think it's a whole impact.

We EMDR'd a lot of the actual sexual assault.

We didn't necessarily look at the stuff around it,

which was I had a bunch of friends

that I'd been friends with since a teenager

who wouldn't believe me.

And before I went to the police,

I told them all and they didn't.

They didn't. And I thought,

thank God I did this at a stage

when I was more healed through therapy,

because I so desperately for a long time

needed their validation in particular.

And it was only until last year that I sat them all down

and I was like, You get it now, don't you?

Really? Which is where

the song came from.

So I've always classed myself as a strong bitch,

like, I've, you know, I like to think

that I can take a lot of shit,

but that for me felt like something had left me

that will never come back.

I'll never get that bit back for me.

To the day I die, that moment will stay with me

for the rest of my life.

And I think that's what the scary thing is

is to accept that that is the new normal.

I certainly grew up being like,

be terrified of everything, but make sure no one knows.

And now sort of being open about how scared I am of shit

and what it takes for me to even get home,

even that conversation's helpful.

Like seeing your mate leave and go,

Can you text me when you're back?

[Rebecca] Mm. Yeah.

And it'd be a genuine text me when you're back.

And we've grown up in a generation of girls

that were taught, sleep around too much, you're a slag.

And hopefully things are beginning to change now with Gen Z

that they can tackle things differently,

and people will be able to talk

about this stuff more openly like this

without a degree of shame on themselves

and with more of an onus on people

that do this sort of stuff.

No one's asking for it ever. Absolutely.

And that's, like, I certainly grew up in a time

of you were asking for it if it happens,

and that has shifted.

Yeah, well, beginning to for sure.

With the power of dance music

[Becky laughing]

it will shift further.

I personally feel like consent

should be taught in schools.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean they teach you about sex but not about enjoying it.

There's a charity called The Schools Consent Project.

They're amazing, they're going into schools doing workshops,

and consent is like, it's just better if you've got it.

It just shouldn't be taboo to get consent,

and then you can have a whale of a time.

Yeah. [laughs] Yeah.

I think it's really important

that teenagers specifically know about that.

And actually I think if I was set up more as a teenager,

I guess I would've understood quicker

when I had that respect and that crime committed.

Mm, yeah, exactly.

I think it's extremely confusing [laughs]

because you can't win.

I wanna enjoy my sexuality, my body, myself.

But if you talk about these subjects, then you get,

Well, but you look naked there, so you.

It doesn't matter whether you are completely covered

or in your underwear,

the value and the worth on someone isn't any different.

And the accessibility to somebody's body,

regardless of whether they're covered or not,

doesn't change.

Yeah.

Empowerment is different for everyone.

For me, straight away I was like,

Well, don't be in any way sexual ever again, anywhere.

I was exactly the same.

And you sort of like, you wanna wear a nun's habit,

and then you'll be free and you'll be safe,

and that's just not true.

And critical thinking skills are very low

of people that are like,

But you've got, you know, a tight dress on.

I think it's quite important to say like,

Here is my body, my sexuality, and who I am.

I also don't deserve to be raped though for it, you know,

like, it's quite bog standard level one empowerment.

But I think the empowering thing now for me

is that I'm so comfortable with who I am

and I'm so confident in what did happen,

that I can stand on stage

and have as much sexual prowess as I want,

and it's not for anybody else, but it's for me.

And I think that is the most beautiful thing for me

is that I get closure on this situation.

I get to be the strong woman that I always was and am,

and don't get to be beaten down

by the one in four chance that every woman has

of getting sexually assaulted.